Boys that bore you.

Valentines Day is coming up. Yay.

Although if I'm being frank, last year I was dreading it - and this was when I was in a relationship - so I'm quite looking forward to a night of, erm, "me time". Don't you just hate people who overuse that word?!

I like to think it's normal that 99% of the time I just love being alone. Not alone in the sense of no friends, family or human interaction ('cos that would be just plain weird), just independent from the confusing relationship game/situation/whatever it is. 

And then there's that 1% of the time when you kinda wish you had someone. Note: this is normally on nights when your friends want to do a 'double date' type of scenario. I was having that 1% moment the other day, and it got me thinking. 

When I look back to my first 'proper' relationship, I was infatuated by the fact that a boy wanted me so much. Overlooking character traits, personality and so on, under this spell of infatuation I proceeded into a steady relationship (big mistake). Lust is worlds apart from love, however I think it's a case of you need to be in a shit situation to realise what you definitely DON'T want next time.

So now I'm picky, shoot me. 

It's like I can meet a nice guy, he's pretty ideal, good looking and so on and then I'm just stuck. Numb. Cold. (Heartless?!) I hope not.

Something in me has definitely changed though.

Before, I'd meet a guy and get all girly and giddy and want to talk to them loads and I'd check my phone and check it again in case they had text me but I hadn't seen it - which e v e r y girl has done at one point, don't even deny it. And then I'd check it again 2 minutes later. And it seems that nowadays, something's changed. 

I'm not really sure what it is. I think I've just realised that you don't have to settle for second best. I'd honestly rather wait 10 years to find the right type of man, then 10 minutes to find the wrong. This isn't about being vain, or 'up yourself', it's about respecting yourself enough to be with someone who respects you, challenges you intellectually and meets your expectations.

Maybe this is maturity.  Maybe this is what I need.  Maybe this is girl hell.
I'm not quite sure where this new found picky-ness has come from, but I've a feeling it's here to stay.

Desperately seeking a boyfriend. (Lol, jk.)

Last time I checked I have been single for, approximately, 6 months. I am  aware a certain proportion of you will have gasped already. Take a second, breathe and relax. Yep, that's right: 6 months. 
182 days. 
4382 hours. 
262974 minutes. 
Granted it does sound a lot longer in minutes...

You will undoubtedly question why I'm informing you of my single life progress, almost as if it bothers me and I keep freakish tabs on it. And for those that pondered, no I didn't sit here and work out the days, minutes and hours. Google helped me. I don't have that much free time on my hands. 

Well I guess there's two reasons for bringing it up. First of which, I'm extremely excited about Bridget Jones' Diary 3 coming out (the topic matter relates). My second reason, which really links to my excitement about Bridget Jones, is to ask the world dearly to stop asking about my 'love life'. Maybe not the world, but you'll know who you are if you're reading this. Yes, you.

You'd think I were a spinster, locked away in a rural house knitting and my only company being my cat and the postman that delivers the post once a fortnight. I'm a girl. I'm 19. I still take pride in my appearance. And I leave my house on a regular basis. There really is nothing to worry about. I know I joked about being 80, single and living with cats in a previous post (click here to read it), but I almost feel the need to emphasise the comedic stance of that post.

I know so many people that have this overruling desire and aim in life to constantly be on 'boyfriend lookout'. People that can't survive without a co-dependent in their life and, well, I think that's sad. 

I used to think being in a relationship was the coolest thing in the world. It gives you a bit of routine, it gives you someone to talk to on a regular basis, it's what I consider to be a safe state to be in. And of course I'm not saying I don't ever want that again, I just have come to realise there's more to life than making the bed after a boyfriend that never helps out. Hahaha. What a stereotype. Of course I am JOKING - some boys are very well house trained. You get my jist though, I've just got some new priorities in life.

So far in my 4382 hours of free time I have decided some goals and changed my outlook towards achieving them. For one I'm setting aside my twenties to do the things I want to do. And maybe that will mean for a portion of it I don't want someone tying me down. I'm not saying they would necessarily stop me doing what I want to do, but if I've got someone who's not permanently fixed (as opposed to family) close to me it'd would only add to the factors of how I could talk myself out of taking risks and going places.

I also quite want to learn a new language. I loved French, and I still do, but due to (boring) reasons I couldn't continue it as a wild option at uni. So maybe I'll polish that up. Maybe I'll learn a new language. I have always loved everything Scandinavian so it'd be cool to (emphasis on the try) learn Swedish or Norwegian. 

So I hopefully won't end up like Bridget. I'm a firm believer in 'never say never'. If the right boy comes along, I'm yours. I'm just not rushing into anything for the sake of it. CBA for all that pointless emotional malarchy.

80, single, living with cats.

My biggest fear in life is to die alone surrounded by a multitude of cats who ultimately, one day after feeling severely famished due to no one feeding them, eat me. 
Okay so there's not an inch of truth to that sentence, but let us not brashly overlook that this is a large and somewhat serious issue for a lot of people in life. Numerous people, namely women, actually go as far to planning their future pet situation due to depression of that place in life known as 'Singletown'. Need I remind you that this is a serious issue, guys.

I guess I struggle to understand this fear of loneliness and of being alone. And I know I'm not alone in feeling this way. I went through a break up not so long ago and it was my first "serious" relationship, and so I guess breaking up could be considered a big deal. If I'm honest the relationship was somewhat hit and miss for a long time, and so the break up wasn't a shock to me and, strangely enough, nor did it upset me. Instead of laying around feeling sorry for myself whilst simultaneously watching Bridget Jones's Diary and eating Ben and Jerry's... I got on with my life. There really is a life without being in a relationship. And it's actually a whole lot of fun. 

I'm not saying I'll have this attitude for the whole of my life, and with every man that I meet. Maybe one day once I've met "the one" everything will be different. But right now, as a nineteen year old, I can think of better things to do then cry over a past teenage relationship.

Firstly your old buddy free time reappears. You remember free time, don't you? It can appear at any time of the day, and it's really quite useful. You finally get to do the stuff you want to do, and you can happily be selfish with your time. Indulge yourself in things that make you happy; whether that's making time to see old friends or making cupcakes. Whatever floats your boat. Everybody's different, but it's crazy how you realise how little 'you' time you once gave yourself. 

I think another great factor of being single is how your true friendship bonds strengthen. Boys and girls come and go, but friendships are with you for life and so it really is essential to never drop friends for partners. Suddenly, with no one to fall back on, standing on your own two feet means you have to consciously make the effort to make plans. Now that I'm free to make my own choices, I wonder how I ended up staying in every weekend with just one person. There's a whole world out there to explore, and there's no one better to explore it with than your best friends.

I get that everyone is affected differently by break ups, and that a lot of you may struggle to understand my 'get on with it' approach. But when you look at life in the grand scheme of things... this really is but a blink in the eye. You are going to move on, you are going to be happy and you won't die alone surrounded by cats (although I can't promise about the last point). To prove my point, imagine a world where time didn't heal things... seriously we'd be the most socially inept world possible. All slumped up, crying, scoffing our faces whilst listening to depressing music. It just wouldn't, and doesn't happen.

Life goes on, and so will you :)

I heart Lana Del Rey

I've never really paid much attention to music. Don't get me wrong - I listen to it obviously, but if someone asks me who my favourite artist is, I simply stumble. How on earth, out of every musician in the world can you have a single favourite? That's my thinking. But I have to admit, I've been more than a little bit hooked on this one album since early March now. And it's June 16th. So I guess I've started a love affair with Lana Del Rey's album, Born to Die. Anyone who claims to dislike it, well I say you just haven't listened to it enough. Lana has this really unique and appealing voice, it's as if she drags me into the stories she sings and I'm gone. 

Not only am I hooked on the album, I think I might have developed a girl crush on her. It's hard to explain why I like her so much. I would compare her to Zooey Deschanel's character Summer in (500) Days of Summer. Effortless, insouciant and cool. It's like she doesn't even try, she just naturally pulls off every look she tries. The type of girl most girls like to hate because of that very fact. And to top it all off she is Mulberry's newest muse, alongside Alexa Chung. Not many people get a bag named after them so early on in their careers, so I guess if you have always dreamed of that very scenario, then she could be an inspiration to you. 

My favourite song off of the album is Million Dollar Man. The lyrics are b-eautiful.  Unfortunately she is yet to make a music video for this, but here is her singing it live... Even better! Enjoy!